Vegetable-Passion809 I F28 and my husband 39 recently had twin girls Lana and Clara. Clara is a delicate baby, she has some issues with her immune system but, so do I, so we figured one of the babies might have some issues with it. But Lana is a big strong baby. My younger sister, Lucy 24 has had some trouble conceiving and I figured she may have been jealous when I was pregnant but she didn’t show it which I appreciated. She has always wanted to be a mother so I tried my best to be a good sister to her and let her lean on my shoulder whilst also preparing for my girls. I had a hard birth and that, coupled with my health issues, means that I’ve decided to not breast feed and just formula feed. It’s important to note that both of the girls are healthy and at a good weight. Lucy has been somewhat erratic since the girls have been born, (they are 4 months), so I’ve been careful to monitor when they’re together but I thought it was important to let her be an Aunty. My husband was more concerned but I asked him to let it go so he has. We had a family gathering barbecue thing with our parents, my sister, her husband and some of our friends. Lana was awake and playing with our parents while we were cooking and Clara was napping so both of the girls were content. Lucy says she needs the bathroom and is gone for like 20 minutes so I go looking for her and I hear talking coming from the twins nursery. I figured that she was having a snuggle with Clara so I head into the room and oh my f*%$ing god. I thought I was going to be sick, or hit her or I don’t know what. She was sitting in the rocking chair trying to breastfeed my daughter!!! I’m being serious, she had her boob out with it in Clara’s mouth. Clara looked confused and didn’t know what to do with it as she’s never been breastfed. I started to shout at her asking what the hell did she think she was doing with my baby. I took Clara from her and tried to soothe her. Lucy tried to calm me down telling me that I should be grateful and thank to her for acting in the best interest of my baby. She said I was failing them by not being able to breast feed them, but her fertility medication has let her start lactating so she decided to help me out. She said the reason Clara wasn’t as well as her sister is because she was being given formula and sickly babies shouldn’t be formula fed. She said I was being unreasonable and that her and Clara have formed a bond over this and that it was cruel to take her away from her. I have no f*^%ing idea what that means. Does that mean it’s been happening more than once!? What the hell does she think she’s doing? Clara and Lana are my babies not hers! I feel sorry for her but I’m not wrong for thinking this is ridiculous right? EDIT: thanks for the advice everyone. I can’t lie I find the concept of wet nurses weird and steeped in bad history but I can appreciate it’s the right choice for some people. But I don’t like the idea of another woman having intimate skin contact with my babies. We will take the girls to their pediatrician tomorrow but I don’t even now if she was producing actual milk. She could be lying. EDIT 2: We went to the doctors and he said that Clara is fine. He doesn’t believe Lucy was even producing milk. Clara has an iron deficiency so that could be why she’s a bit sickly. I’ve tried telling our parents, they’re going to focus on looking after Lucy I think."AITA for not letting my sister breastfeed my baby?"
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
Fire_or_water_kai
Your sister is very, very unwell and unstable. Anyone who condones this or shames you for distancing yourself is also unwell and doesn't have her (and most definitely not your children's) well being in mind.
Nothing that came out of her mouth was sane. You need to discuss this with your family outright, so that they understand just how messed up your sister is. Keep her VERY far away. I have a feeling this is going to escalate, so I hope you have a security system and doorbell cam.
throwaway2161980
If your sister truly thought what she was doing was ok, she wouldn’t have hidden it from you. She’s clearly mentally unwell. You need to not allow her in your house or around your babies until she get professional help.
Narrow_Guava_6239
I’ve read so many stories similar to this post, OP take heed. I’m sure hubby is going to agree with you when you tell him Lucy isn’t welcome in your home and is not allowed to be with the twins for a while.
Lucy might pull some crap saying she’s going to report you or take you to court for some stupid reason. Ensure she doesn’t get more info about the twins as she can use them against you and escalate the situation more.
The OP then felt it necessary to get into the formula vs breastfeeding debate.
'Formula shaming'
Vegetable-Passion809
Ok so I have a bit of a unique situation that you can see on my profile but the gist of it is I’m not able to breastfeed both medically and out of choice and I walked in on my sister trying to breast feed one of my twin daughters.
Honestly I feel so violated. The act of skin to skin contact with a baby is such an intimate experience for mother and baby and the fact that my sister has tried to steal that from me is so sickening. She says they have a bond and that makes me sick to my stomach. She’s my daughter.
Anyways I’m being shamed for formula feeding as my daughter has an iron deficiency even though the doctor has given her supplements. My sister is saying I’m failing my daughter but she’s able to give her everything she needs. It’s really f*cking with my head.
I posted in Am I wrong but there are some horrible male commenters saying my sister would be the better mother, I’m begging too emotional and embarrassed.
Here were the top comments from this community:
After all this I would definitely be distancing myself from her at least for a little while. She doesn’t need to be around your daughters if she can’t respect you and your children. She’s crossed so many boundaries. She also doesn’t need to know any more private medical information about your family from now on.
m37an13
Yeah, wow, what an insane breach of trust.
OP, your sister can pass on viruses through breastmilk - just one extra reason to keep her away.
The OP then returned to the 'Am I Wrong' community with an update.
'AIW for not letting my sister breastfeed my baby? (Update)'
Vegetable-Passion809
Hi guys. Thanks for the support under my initial post. I’m glad to know other moms share my feelings and boundaries. And it’s funny to me the people saying I should be grateful and allow her to continue are men…
Anyways drama ensued after I warned my parents and BIL that they should get her help as she wasn’t ok. And expressed my boundaries that she wouldn’t see my babies for the foreseeable future.
I’ve been working from home with Kerim since so we can spend some time as a family to bond. It’s been lovely. We’ve been keeping the girls close and having lots of cuddles. Thankfully Clara and Lana still seem bonded to me and are happily taking their bottles from us. The iron deficiency seems to be getting better now that she’s getting some extra help.
Lucy turned up to our porch yesterday crying hysterically and screaming at us to open the door. I rang my parents and told them I’d call the police if they didn’t come and get her.
She started pounding on the door demanding I let her see Clara. That Clara needed her and her breast and that it was cruel to keep them apart. That she would be missing her and they were bonded.
I told her she’d never see my babies again unless she got better and to f*ck off before I had to get physical her. Our parents turned up to get her and I told them she needed to be taken to therapy or something. So that’s where we are now.
EDIT: we’ve spoken to police but they’ve said it’s a civil family issue (Europe).
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this, hopefully, final update:
EducationalTangelo6
Oof. I hope they stay vigilant, Lucy sounds like she's going to try to abduct Clara.
bellizabeth
I've been on BORU long enough to know that the next update is most likely going to be a failed attempt to kidnap that almost succeeds.
IndigoHG
OP's sister is unhinged. Like, having a wet nurse is definitely a thing, but uh, they're hired. Or asked, at the very least, good lord.
OP's sister needs help and I wouldn't let them near either kid for years. YEARS.
hhwva
Regardless of your views on breastfeeding, there are two key facts here: Lucy is having some kind of mental breakdown and believes Clara is her child. That’s a serious risk to the child’s safety. Keeping your child safe is a parent’s biggest responsibility.
A lot of women can't breastfeed for a lot of different reasons. Some babies can't get a good latch. Some women don't produce enough milk. The idea of shaming over using formula is so unhinged.
We're fortunate to have formula for these situations, and instead a bunch of people who probably think celery juice cures cancer are attacking new moms for taking care of their children.
